Words That Don't Exist

Words That Don't Exist
But Should...

ELECELLERATION (el a sel er ay' shun) n.
The mistaken notion that the more you press an elevator button the faster it will arrive.
DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v.
To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow "remove" all the germs.
CARPERPETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun) n.
The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum cleaner one more chance.
ACCORDIONATED (ah kor' de on ay tid) adj.
Being able to drive and fold a road map at the same time.
AQUALIBRIUM (ak wa lib' reum) n.
The point at which the stream of drinking water is at its perfect height, thus relieving the drinker from (a) having to suck the nozzle, or (b) squirting himself in the eye.
ELBONICS (el bon' iks) n.
The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater or airplane seat.
FRUST (frust) n.
The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
LACTOMANGULATION (lak to man gyu lay' shun) n.
Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the "illegal" side.
PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n.
The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
PUPKUS (pup' kus) n.
The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.
TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n.
The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're six inches away.
BURGACIDE (burg' uh side) n.
When a hamburger can't take any more torture and hurls itself through the grill into the coals.
BUZZACKS (buz' acks) n.
People in phone marts who walk around picking up display phones and listening for dial tones even when they know the phones are not connected.
ECNALUBMA (ek na lub' ma) n.
A rescue vehicle which can only be seen in the rear-view mirror.
EIFFELITES (eye' ful eyetz) n.
Gangly people sitting in front of you at the movies who, no matter which direction you lean in, follow suit.

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