Words of Wisdom 3

Words of Wisdom 3
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have any film.

There's no future in time travel.

Smith & Wesson -- the original point and click interface.

Who is General Failure, and why is he reading my hard disk?

All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

Oh Lord give me patience, and give it to me NOW!

A good pun is it's own reword.

Laughing stock -- cattle with a sense of humor

Why do psychics ask you for your name?

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is low?

What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?

Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Disney World: a people trap owned by a mouse!

It's easy to save face... just keep the lower part shut!

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

If a turtle loses his shell, is it naked or homeless?

Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

There's two theories about arguing with a woman. Neither one works.

Good judgement comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
Always drink upstream from the herd.

Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so important to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

Did you know that "verb" is a noun?

The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable?

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why is it that the word "gullible" isn't in the dictionary? (Check it out!)

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