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| 6:00 | Alarm |
| 6:15 | Blowjob |
| 6:30 | Massive dump while reading sports section of USA Today |
| 7:00 | Breakfast, Filet mignon and eggs, toast and coffee |
| 7:30 | Limo arrives |
| 7:45 | Stoli Bloody Mary en route to airport |
| 8:15 | DFW - Private G4 to Augusta, Georgia (Coffee, SI and WSJ) |
| 9:30 | Limo to Augusta National Golf Club |
| 9:45 | Front nine at Augusta (2 under) |
| 11:45 | Lunch, 2 dozen oysters on the half shell, 3 Heinekens |
| 12:15 | Blowjob |
| 12:30 | Back nine Augusta (4 under) |
| 1:15 | Limo back to airport (Bombay martini) |
| 2:30 | Private G4, Augusta to Nassau, Bahamas (nap) |
| 3:15 | Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female (topless) crew |
| 4:30 | Land World Record light tackle Marlin (1249 lbs) |
| 5:00 | G4 back to DFW, massage & hand job enroute by naked Kathy Ireland |
| 6:45 | Shit, shower and shave |
| 7:00 | Watch CNN newsflash: Hillary and Al Gore farm animal sex video released and authenticated. |
| 7:30 | Dinner, Lobster appetizers, Dom Perigon (1963), 20 oz. New York Steak |
| 9:00 | Remy Martin and Cuban Partagas cigar |
| 9:30 | Three women make love to him AND each other |
| 11:00 | Full body massage and Jacuzzi |
| 11:45 | Bed (alone) |
| 11:50 | 12-second, 4-note fart (dog leaves the room) |
| 11:55 | Deep, snoring sleep |
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