Monster Survival Guide

Monster Survival Guide
When it appears that you have killed the monster, never check to see if it's really dead.

Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.

If your children speak to you in Latin, or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than their own, shoot them immediately.
NOTE: It will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared.

When you have the benefit of numbers, never split up.

As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead... after dark.

If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, run as though your life depended on it... it does.

If appliances start operating by themselves, move out and set fire to the house.

Do not remove anything from a dead body.

If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for good a reason, don't insist on finding out why.

Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're a recombinant DNA scientist.

If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely walking (with a limp), it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you, and in some cases, suddenly appear in front of you.

If your companions begin to hiss, are fascinated by blood, glowing eyes, increased hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as possible.

Stay away from certain geographical locations such as: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to any house to phone for help that is more than 30 feet back from the road.

Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, lawnmowers, butane torches or any article from a kitchen.

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