Lawyer Jokes

Lawyer Jokes
What do you call a lawyer with an I.Q. of 50?
Your honor.

What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
Senator.

What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start!

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.

What is the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the dog.

What is the difference between a lawyer and a skunk?
Everyone swerves to miss the skunk.

What is the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
Vultures can't take their wing tips off.

What do you do if you run over a lawyer?
Make another notch on the steering wheel.

Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.

What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A shortage of sand.

What are lawyers good for?
They make used car salesmen look good.

How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
Cut the rope.

Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
Take your foot off his head.

How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
Shoot him before he hits the water.

What do you get when you cross a Godfather with a lawyer?
An offer you can't understand.

What is the difference between a female lawyer and a catfish?
One's slimy and has whiskers, and the other one lives in the water.

What is the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
A leech will let go when its victim dies.

Why did the lawyer cross the road?
To get to the car accident.

What would happen if you lock a cannibal in a room full of lawyers?
He would starve to death.

Did you hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?
He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.

If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?
It might be your bicycle.

Why does California have so many lawyers and New Jersey have so many toxic waste dumps?
New Jersey got first pick.

Why did the post office recall the new lawyer stamps?
Because people were spitting on the wrong side.

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