How is a husband like a...

How is a husband like a...
How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors and half the time they don't work.

How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.

How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.

How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.

What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.

What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
Any place without a drive-up window.

What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.

What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
His wife is good at picking out clothes.

What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.

Why did God create man first?
He needed a rough draft.

Why do doctors slap babie's butts right after they're born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.

Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because none of them will stop and ask for directions.

Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They all already have boyfriends.

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