The 9 Types of Girlfriends

The 9 Types of Girlfriends
Ms. Nice Guy - "Tickets to the boxing match? Oh Darling, you shouldn't have"
Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly
Disadvantages: May wise up someday

Old Yeller - "You G-D spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of a bitch! Can't you see you're making me miserable??"
Advantages: Pays attention to you
Disadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pans

Sickly - "Oh, my head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite"
Advantages: Predictable
Disadvantages: Contagious

The Bosser - "Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Don't give me that look."
Advantages: Often right
Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?

Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied - "I just can't decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, and hair color?"
Advantages: Easily soothed
Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed

Wild Woman out of Control - "I've got an idea. Lez get drunk an' make loveonna front lawn. I done it before. S'fun."
Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys
Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs

Huffy - "I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at"
Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you
Disadvantages: You will have no friends

Woman from Mars - "I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship"
Advantages: Entertaining, unfathomable
Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud

Ms. Dreamgirl - "I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I think we must make love like crazed weasels now"
Advantages: Funny, intelligent uninhibited
Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you

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