Eskimo Nell

Eskimo Nell
When men grow old and their balls grow cold,
And the end of their tool turns blue,
Far from the halls of Yukon Strife
They'll tell a tale that's true.

So bring me a seat, and buy me a drink,
And a tale to you I'll tell
Of Deadeye Dick and Mexico Pete
And a whore named Eskimo Nell.

When Mexico Pete and Deadeye Dick
Set out in search of fun,
It's Deadeye Dick who wields the prick
And Mexico Pete the gun.

When Deadeye Dick and the greaser runt
Were sore distressed and sad
‘Twas mostly cunt that bore the brunt
Though shootings weren't so bad.

When Deadeye Dick and Mexico Pete
Went down to Deadman's Creek,
They'd had no luck, in the way of fuck,
For well nigh half a week.

But a moose or two or a caribou
And a bison cow or so,
But Deadeye Dick was the king of pricks
And he found such fucking slow.

So Deadeye Dick and Mexico Pete
Set out for the Rio Grande;
Deadeye Dick with swinging prick,
And Pete with gun in hand.

And thus they blazed their randy trail,
And none their fire withstood,
And many a bride who was a hubby's pride
Knew pregnant widowhood.

They hit the bank of the Rio Grande
At the height of blazing noon
To slake their thirst and do their worst
They sought Red Kate's saloon.

And as they strode into the bar
Both prick and gun flashed free:
"According to sex you drunken wrecks,
You drinks or fucks with me."

They knew the fame of our heroes' name
From the Horn to Panama
So with little worse than a muttered curse
Those wetbacks lined the bar.

The women knew his playful ways
Way down on the Rio Grande
So forty whores tore down their drawers
At Deadeye Dick's command.

They saw the fingers of Mexico Pete
Touching his pistol grip,
They didn't waste, in frantic haste
Those whores began to strip.

Deadeye Dick was breathing hard
With noisy snarls and grunts
As forty asses came into view
To say nothing of forty cunts.

Now forty asses and forty cunts
You'll find if you use your wits,
And if you're quick at arithmetic,
That signifies eighty tits.

Now eighty tits is a goodly sight
To a man with a mighty stand;
It may be rare in Union Square
But not on the Rio Grande.

Now to test his wind, he'd had a grind
The previous Saturday night,
And this he'd done to show his fun
And wet his appetite.

His phallic limb was in fighting trim
So he backed and took a run,
He took a jump at the nearest rump
And scored a hole in one.

He bore her to the sandy floor,
And fairly fucked her fine,
But though she grinned, it put the wind
Up the other thirty-nine.

For when Deadeye Dick performs the trick
There's scarcely time to spare,
For with speed and strength, on top of length
He fairly singes hair.

Now Deadeye Dick he fucks ‘em quick,
And he cast the first aside.
He made a dart at the second tart,
When the swing doors opened wide.

Then entered in that hall of sin,
Into that house of hell,
A lusty maid, no whit afraid,
Her name was Eskimo Nell.

Now Deadeye Dick had got his prick
Well into number two
When Eskimo Nell let out a yell
And called to him "Hey you!"

He gave a flick of his muscular prick
And the whore flew over his head,
He turned about, with snarl and shout
And his face and knob were red.

Eskimo Nell she stood it well
As she looked between his eyes.
She glanced with scorn upon his horn
Steaming between his thighs.

She stubbed out the butt of her cigarette
On the end of his gleaming knob,
And so utterly beat was Mexico Pete
That he quite forgot his job.

It was Eskimo Nell who was first to speak,
In accents clear and cool,
"You cuntstruck shrimp of a Yankee pimp
Do you call that thing a tool?

And if this here town can't take it down,"
She sneered at the cowering whores,
"Here's a cunt that can do the stunt:
Eskimo Nell is yours!"

She removed her garments one by one
With an air of conscious pride
Till there she stood in her womanhood
And they saw the Great Divide.

‘Tis fair to state ‘twas not so great
Though it's strength lay well within
And a better word, that's often heard,
Would not be cunt but quim.

She laid her down on the table-top
Whereon was set a glass,
With a flick of her tits she ground it into bits
Between the cheeks of her ass.

She bent her knees with supple ease
And spread them wide apart,
And with smiling nods to the randy sods
She gave Dick the cue to start.

But Deadeye Dick, he knew a trick
Or two, and he took his time,
For a miss like this was perfect bliss
So he played in pantomime.

He flicked his foreskin up and down
He made his balls inflate
Until they resembled two granite knobs
Upon a garden gate.

He winked his asshole in and out
And his balls increased in size;
His mighty prick grew twice as thick
And nearly reached his eyes.

He polished it well with alcohol,
To get it steaming hot,
And to finish the job, he peppered the knob
With cayenne pepper hot.

He didn't back and take a run,
Or make a flying leap,
He didn't swoop, but made a stoop,
And a steady forward creep.

With peering eyes he took a sight
Along that fearsome tool,
And the long slow glide as it slid inside
Was calculating – cool.

Now you all have seen the pistons gleam
On the mighty CPR
With the driving force of a thousand horse
So you know what pistons are.

Or you think you do, if you've yet to view
The power that drives the prick,
Or the work that's done on a non-stop run,
By a man like Deadeye Dick.

None but a fool would challenge his tool,
No thinking man would doubt
For his fame increased as the Great High Priest
Of the ceaseless in-and-out.

But Eskimo Nell was an infidel
And equaled a whole harem,
With the strength of ten in her abdomen,
And a Rock of Ages beam.

Amidships she could stand a rush
Like the flush of a water closet,
So she gripped his cock like the Chatwood lock
Of the National Safe Deposit.

But Deadeye Dick would not come quick,
He meant to conserve his powers,
With that in mind, he's grind and grind
For more than seven hours.

She lay a while with a subtle smile
And then her grip grew keener,
And with a sigh, she sucked him dry
With the ease of a vacuum cleaner.

She did this feat in a way so neat
As to set at grand defiance
The primary cause of the basic laws
That govern all sexual science.

She simply rode that phallic tool,
That for years had stood the test,
And accepted rules of ancient schools
In a second or two went west!

And now my friend, we near the end
Of this copulative epic
For the effect on Dick was so sudden and quick
‘Twas akin to an anesthetic.

He slid to the floor and knew no more,
His passion extinct and dead.
He didn't shout as his tool slipped out
‘Though ‘tis said she'd stripped the thread.

Then Mexico Pete, he rose to his feet
To avenge his friend's affront
And his tough-nosed Colt with a savage jolt
He rammed right up her cunt.

He shoved it hard to the trigger guard
And fired it twice times three
But to his surprise she closed her eyes
And squealed in ecstasy.

As she rose to her feet, she looked so sweet
"Hooray!" she cried, "for you;
Though I might have guessed it's about the best
That you poor sods could do.

When next, my friends, you two intend
To sally forth for fun,
Get Deadeye Dick a sugar stick
And buy yourself a bun.

For I'm away to the frozen North,
Where pricks are big and strong,
Back to the land of the frozen stand
Where the nights are six months long.

When you stick it in it's hard as sin,
In a land where spunk is spunk,
Not a trickling stream of lukewarm cream
But a solid frozen chunk.

Back to the land where they understand
What it means to copulate,
Where even the dead lie two in a bed
And the children masturbate.

Back once more to the sins of men,
To the Land of the Midnight Sun,
I go to spend a worthy end
For the North is calling 'Come!'"

Copyright © 1998 Griffin Web Design. All rights reserved.
Information in this document is subject to change without notice.
Other products and companies referred to herein are trademarks of their respective companies.