Trouble Shooting Guide for Drinkers

Trouble Shooting Guide for Drinkers

PROBLEM:	Feet cold and wet.
CAUSE:	Glass being held at incorrect angle.
SOLUTION:	Leave glass on table, use a straw.

PROBLEM:	Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
CAUSE:	Glass empty.
SOLUTION:	Get someone to buy you another.

PROBLEM:	Mouth contains cigarette butts.
CAUSE:	You have fallen forward on the table.
SOLUTION:	Ask someone to tie you to the back of the chair.

PROBLEM:	Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
CAUSE:	You have fallen over backwards in your chair.
SOLUTION:	Resign to sitting on the floor.

PROBLEM:	Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
CAUSE:	Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
SOLUTION:	Time to switch to a straw.

PROBLEM:	Feet warm and wet.
CAUSE:	Not close enough to urinal.
SOLUTION:	Us a stall, or don't go to the restroom alone.

PROBLEM:	Floor blurred, friends unrecognizable.
CAUSE:	You are looking through bottom of empty beer mug.
SOLUTION:	Switch to paper cups to minimize confusion.

PROBLEM:	Floor moving up & down, and swaying.
CAUSE:	You are being carried out over your friend's shoulder.
SOLUTION:	You need more practice, or drink alone.

PROBLEM:	Room seems unusually dark.
CAUSE:	Bar is observing 4am mandtory closing time.
SOLUTION:	Move to Amsterdam.

PROBLEM:	Taxi suddenly takes on a colorful aspect with fluid textures.
CAUSE:	Consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
SOLUTION:	Learn manual purging techniques to extend capacity and duration.

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