Doggy Promises

Doggy Promises
I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.

I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.

I will not throw up in the car.

I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.

"Kitty box crunchies" are not food.

I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.

The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose against her bottom end.

I will not chew my human's toothbrush on the sly.

The cat is not here for my enjoyment for chasing, biting, barking or otherwise harassing unless Daddy is helping me.

I will not chew red crayons or pens so that my people will think I am hemorrhaging.

When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining.

We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance around with it, nor present it to company when they come to visit.

The sofa, chair and ottoman is not a face towels.

My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

I will not stand on the dishwasher door to help clean the dishes.

I will not lick dishes that mommy is taking out of the dishwasher.

I will not swallow, chew, sniff or even touch, ANY bathroom trash.

I will try to keep my water in my mouth when I drink.

I will not dry off in the middle of the bed even if it is unmade.

I will not initiate the crotch of every women that enters the house.

I will try to remember that the meter reader, the mailman, and the UPS man are not trying to sneak into the house.

I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mommy's driver's license and car registration.

I will not pee on the floor of the animal hospital.

I will not pee on the leg of the animal hospital attendant.

I will not pee on the examination table.

I will not drool in the car on the way to the veterinarian.

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