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| 1:00 am | Alarm clock rings |
| 2:00 am | Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed |
| 2:30 am | Throw everything except the kitchen sink in the pick-up |
| 3:00 am | Leave home for deep woods |
| 3:15 am | Drive back home and pick up gun |
| 3:30 am | Drive like hell to get to the woods before daylight |
| 4:00 am | Set up camp. Realize that you forgot the damned tent |
| 4:30 am | Head out into woods |
| 6:05 am | See eight (8) deer |
| 6:06 am | Take aim and squeeze trigger |
| 6:07 am | "Click" |
| 6:08 am | Load gun while watching deer go over the hill |
| 8:00 am | Head back to camp |
| 9:00 am | Still looking for camp |
| 10:00 am | Realize you don't know where the camp is |
| -Noon- | Fire gun for help. Eat some wild berries |
| 12:15 pm | Ran out of bullets. 8 deer come back |
| 12:20 pm | Strange feeling in stomach |
| 12:30 pm | Realize you ate poison berries |
| 12:45 pm | Rescued!! |
| 12:55 pm | Rushed to the hospital to have stomach pumped |
| 3:00 pm | Arrive back at camp |
| 3:30 pm | Leave camp to kill deer |
| 4:00 pm | Return to camp for bullets |
| 4:01 pm | Load gun. Leave camp again |
| 5:00 pm | Empty gun on squirrel that is really bugging you |
| 6:00 pm | Arrive at camp. See deer grazing in camp. |
| 6:01 pm | Load Gun |
| 6:02 pm | Fire gun |
| 6:03 pm | One Dead Truck |
| 6:05 pm | Hunting partner returns to camp dragging deer! |
| 6:06 pm | Suppress strong desire to shoot partner |
| 6:07 pm | In doing so, stumble and fall into fire |
| 6:10 pm | Change clothes, throw burned ones into fire |
| 6:15 pm | Take pick-up, leave partner and his deer in woods |
| 6:25 pm | Pick-up boils over. Discover bullet hole in radiator |
| 6:26 pm | Start walking |
| 6:30 pm | Start crying, stumble and fall, drop gun in mud |
| 6:35 pm | Meet great big Bear! |
| 6:36 pm | Take aim |
| 6:37 pm | Fire gun, blow up barrel plugged with mud. |
| 6:38 pm | Lose all control of bodily functions. |
| 6:39 pm | Climb tree |
| 9:00 pm | Bear departing, wraps gun around the tree |
| 9:03 pm | Feeling relieved that bear is gone |
| 9:04 pm | Start climbing down the tree |
| 9:05 pm | Fall out of tree |
| -Midnight- | Home at last |
| -Sunday- | Sitting in bed with cast on leg watching TV, slowly tearing hunting license into itty- bitty pieces, place into envelope, mail to the Game Warden with very clear instructions about what to do with it. |
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